It is Better to Have Loved

I didn't actually want to post today because I like Sara's last post and wanted it to sit in the "first" position a while longer but she reminded me that we are leaving Israel and may not get around to writing for a while.

It is funny how leaving can help clarify feelings towards something. The whole "you don't know what you've got until its gone" scenario plays itself out in all areas of life. Relationships, jobs, strollers (see two posts ago), favorite sweatshirts given away to the Salvation Army (by wives) ... all things that tend to increase in value once they are no longer in our reach. Now that we are in our last week in Israel we are facing the realty that has been on the horizon for quite some time. That reality is the fact that Jerusalem is a special place and we will no longer by caught in the middle of it all. Granted, it is one of the most tightly wound and difficult places to live on this earth, but for the past 3000 years, the eyes of the world have not been able to break free from her allure.
I could talk about the feelings that passed on my final bus ride through the city, or what thoughts I had passing through University security for the final time. I could attempt to explain how beautiful the dome looked tonight as my family gazed upon it for the last time or how great it was today to spend some time with locals in the Old City. But Sara already did that wonderfully in her last post and I would risk giving up my shallow image if I did.
I do want to mention a conversation I had with our oldest son. He tends to be the sentimental one who has a hard time leaving places and saying goodbye. In the course of our conversation we discussed the belief that it is better to experience new things and meet new people than to never experience these things in the first place. I talked about how even in the sadness of leaving them behind we are better for it.
As I reach the end of the time in Israel I had to ask myself if I believed my own words. Is it better "to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"? I have to answer with a convincing, "maybe". Is it sad to leave? Yes. Will I miss my new friends? Of course. Does the pain leave scars? Probably. But the great thing about scars as they serve as a reminder that something changed.
I guess that is where the value is found. As we go through loss, we feel pain and we are left with scars. Sometimes it is a small pain with a small scar, and sometimes it is noticeable to all and it feels like you can't go on. In this case I think it is in the middle... but it will leave scars that show that we are not the same before this experience. It is late so my ability to communicate is rapidly diminishing so I will leave the "what scars do I have" post for next time, but for now I will pack a few more things, smile at a few more memories, and prepare for the pain that will come as Israel fades in the distance as we fly away on Friday night... and I will hurt for this new love in my life to whom I will bid farewell... and I will be better than I was before I came.